Well, after we got married for a year, the next milestone should be having kids, right? There's so much joy and so much sorrows in having one by the way (I just realised). And a baby brings out a lot of our character that needs to be moulded by God.
The ideal father and mother that we want to be is far from reality. Have we realised that what we are doing now is far from what we had promised to do before everything began?
We often say that raising a child should go beyond material things. Have we done other things that are not material then? I feel guilty that while Rachael is awake, I'm busy seeking my lost sleep. What have I done to engage her meaningfully? Am I just a milk provider? Isn't that a material thing too?
Perhaps it's just this confinement period that's tougher. Things might get better after this one month. I wish. I really do.
I really pray that God will take away all tiredness and my sweaty palms and feet. They are really getting in the way of me taking care of Rachael. Every nursing session, I will wet her clothes and my bed with perspiration. I want to apply Ruyi oil for her, but my hands were so wet after rubbing and they weren't even hot enough to soothe her.
I pray that God will make me stronger emotionally, physically and financially to take care of Rachael even if no one is around to help. If others can, I can too! I don't need to depend on others. I just need to depend on God. I can be independent and do all things through Christ who strengthens me.
I pray that God will take away the comparing spirit within me and put in me a thanksgiving heart. I am thankful for my mum who helps with all the household chores, taking care of baby, cooking for me at her old age. She could have just conveniently let me get a helper or confinement lady and still enjoys her position as a grandmother. I am thankful that my hubby loves me and tries to come home earlier each day after work to help take care of baby. Some of my friends' husbands just find excuses to stay out late so that they don't have to do anything. I am thankful for what I have and do not want to be affected by what I do not have.
So dear Father, make me a better daughter, a more understanding wife and a more loving mother. May You make me strong in my weaknesses. I lift up all my fears, worries, negativity and weaknesses into Your loving hands. Help me turn them into positivity and strengths to help me grow as an individual. I surrender all to You. Only You can make all things beautiful.
In Jesus' most precious name I pray, amen!!!
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